"If you are like the millions of men and women who feel dissatisfied, you have been trying to negotiate a 21st Century relationship using 20th Century skills. The great roles of men and women in the 20th Century were: Man-the-Breadwinner, and Woman-the-Caretaker. For at least 50 years this arrangement was equally rewarding for both partners.
"In the second half of the 20th Century women became the largest addition to the work force. Women gained economic freedom, political freedom, a new psychology, and a collective drive to support feminine strengths and independence. The women's movement changed our society forever.
"The reason things have been so difficult between men and women in the last several decades can be pared down to this: in the last generation women have radically changed and men, by and large, have not. This is not a criticism of men. It is a simple fact.
"What most men ... don't get is that their relationship job description has changed.
"According to the unspoken rules governing traditional-20th Century marriage, if a man was a reliable provider, a steady hand, and didn't drink a lot or beat anyone, he was a good husband. But we have outgrown those rules, and now it is such quality of relationship issues that break up modern couples, or perhaps worse, render a once-loving union chronically miserable.
"Why is it so excruciatingly difficult for good people who love one another to give their partners what they are asking for, and get their own needs met in return? What relationship sabateur derails us? Actually, there is not just one element we can blame for all our relationship troubles, there are five (5)."
"Five (5) losing strategies that trip us up:
1. Needing to be right
2. Controlling your partner
3. Unbridled self-expression
4. Retaliation
5. Withdrawal"
"Whenever one or some combination of these losing strategies takes hold, you'll never get what you want."
- The New Rules of Marriage by Terrence Real, LCSW
